Mike Teillet’s hockey career has been dogged by scandal and rumour almost since it began on a frozen pond in his bed in the early 1950s. Even the growth of a moustache (and, eventually, a beard) failed to hide Mike from the pointing fingers and the whispered asides of the players, management and fans who were subjected to the relentless onslaught of his bizarre activities both on and off the ice. Even when his successful completion of the ‘Forty Step Plan’ led to a measure of personal stability which culminated in his triumphant appointment as the official Team Gopher of the Red Army (a step up from the position he held unofficially for years - Team Weasel), teammates with long memories robbed him of any personal satisfaction by means of a relentless campaign of slander and facts.

Mike began training for his rise to hockey fame on the rinks of the Norwood Community Club. He also developed his talent for impersonations, although he could only do one. Always the voice of ‘Slim’ the icekeeper at Norwood and his catchphrase, “No spongee on dirty ice!”

Mike went on to be a competent PeeWee player by the time he was 17, and from there it was all downhill. His main asset on-ice was his incredible reach – on a good day, Mike was known to sweep check an area the size of the faceoff circle. His reach also contributed to his unique puck control disability. Mike’s shots and passes were known to clear a rink of hostile fans in minutes, and many games which would otherwise have been lost were declared draws when Mike fired the last available puck into low earth orbit. This led to him being named ‘Hockey Person of the Century’ by the Union of Amalgamated Puck Manufacturers, many of whose kids went to college on the overtime earned by their workers, thanks to Mike’s efforts.

Mike was both founder and captain of the University of Manitoba Battlesheep, where he played his college hockey as a left defenseman. Although unable to graduate from the institution, Mike was still eligible for the draft and claimed in the 7th round by the Red Army in 1980. Mike had a hard time adjusting to the lifestyle of a high profile athlete and after one year with the Red Army, he was moved to a government facility in Thompson, MB and did not return until 1985, where, after clearing the waver draft, he was given another chance with the Red Army. Going into his first season of league play with the big team, Mike made an instant impression on the fans and his team-mates.

In his declining years (which are most of them), Mike plays less and less hockey, preferring to concentrate on his hobbies of fish strangling and turtle waxing. This has proved beneficial for both Mike and for hockey in general.

In 1986, Mike and Charles Asselin started the Red Army Brewing Company. Despite frequent trips to the Parkside Ford clinic and some minor scandals, Mike has continued to keep a regular position on the team. In 1992, Mike became an instructor with Artie's Hockey School, where he passes on his expertise in sports nutrition, especially in the field of body hydration.

“Hockey is not as difficult as I make it look, but it is harder than I thought it was.” Mike Teillet, 1995.